PODCAST: The Name of the Doctor

Introducing ERASMUS and SONIA as THE ELEVENTH HOUR PODCAST!

Only joking, but we had you going there, didn't we? We didn't? Ah well. At least would explain why this episode was so late, and be more exotic than the real reason (Chris, writing here in the third person, is very lazy).

Anyway, that was Doctor Who series 7b. A bunch of question marks, followed by a really big question mark. You could be forgiven for thinking that all the events of 2013's episodes have been solely to set up the plot for the 50th anniversary, primarily because that actually seems to have been the case. Still, this is about The Name of the Doctor and whether we liked it or not.

Join Joe and Chris as they continue to baffle audiences with the fluidity of their names, decry poorly defined footsoldier villains, imagine being phoned by The Silence, retcon the Dragonfire cliffhanger and say "tele pls" as they transport their voices into the internet in order for them to be splintered thousands of times (or, to be honest, more around the area of 923 times).

Also: John Hurt. Sorry to hear that, John.

Listen to THE NAME OF THE DOCTOR

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Available playlist on Spotify

EMERGENCY PODCAST: Nightmare in Silver

We were going to refer to this as "the most late episode of The Eleventh Hour Podcast ever", being that it's being released on the same day as the NEXT episode of Doctor Who but that's pure nonsense when one investigates the relaxed release schedule for the A Good Man Goes to War episode, the Torchwood double final and any given Christmas Special, and that's before you even consider the famously relaxed The Mind Robber episode.

Also, technically we still haven't released a proper episode for The Lodger, but that's because to this day only half of it exists due to some technical problems (Chris deleted his voice recording by mistake).

And speaking of those technical difficulties, we had similar ones this week which led us to abandon over 40 minutes of dynamite, top-quality material that you will never hear (featuring the brand new pseudonyms, Antoine McSkank and Ian Blast).

But, because we're us, we couldn't leave it without giving you chaps something and so here is our EMERGENCY PODCAST. Recorded on a phone in the middle of Best Friend of the Podcast Seb's 1970s party and without any post-production or music (but with an uninterrupted voicermail from Donald Pleasence*), it's the very definition of "the least we could do".

Also, we are far drunker than ever before on the podcast and frankly are still too drunk to be able to tell if this is noticeable or not. You fine, sober people be the judges.

LOVE YOOOOOOOU!

*not actually Donald Pleasence.

Listen to NIGHTMARE IN SILVER

Image, as has become customary, courtesy of Grande-Caps.

PODCAST: The Crimson Horror

The Crimson Horror sees Mark Gatiss finally ploughing the Victorian penny dreadful furrow after years of avoiding it and gives us the Doctor-lite episode that's the least light on the Doctor.

Weirdness abounds in Sweetville and it's up to the Spin Off Series gang to sort it out and save the day with the power of deception and laser weaponry. Will they?

Yes.

Join Joe and Chris as they pour fizzy drinks, inexpertly read emails at you, talk once again about racism and non-consensual kissing and other stuff that is uncool and shouldn't even begin to be a problem, play Owner of a Lonely Heart on an out-of-tune guitar and generally do a Doctor Who podcast.

Listen to THE CRIMSON HORROR

Image courtesy of Grande-Caps
Available playlist on Spotify

PODCAST: Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS

Fanservice is an awkward thing to pull off.

Unless you give people specifically, exactly what they want, you're probably better off not bothering. When the fanbase is that of Doctor Who, a series with wild differences in tone, presentation style and accepted continuity, then you're most likely on a hiding to nothing trying to give them what you think they want.

And thus it fell to Stephen "Lowered Expectations" Thompson to try to live up to the poisoned chalice of a title he'd been given to play with. Despite all the odds stacked against him, not least our own opinion of his previous Who adventure The Curse of the Black Spot, how does he fare?

Join Joe and Chris as they lead you on the definitely-not-infinite journey to the very heart of a podcast and, as you'd expect from such a fine, family friendly product, also take in talk of professional wrestling, "boning", The Simpsons and the pure hilarity of bigotry.

Also, just maybe, this episode may see the unnecessary return of CRACKWATCH!

Listen to JOURNEY TO THE CENTRE OF THE TARDIS

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PODCAST: Hide

A terrifying thing happened to us when we were getting ready to record this podcast. A man, dressed all in rags, knocked at the door and then started screaming at us and clawing at thin air. We didn't know how to react, we just stood there transfixed in sheer terror. Suddenly, he stopped. "This is Manor Grove, right"? "No," we replied, "that's a couple of streets away". "My apologies," he said, "they are the people expecting the Insane-Screaming-Vagrant-o-Gram" and left. Thus our sheer terror was actually unnecessary in the face of this explanation. Then we recorded a podcast about Hide, the Doctor Who episode that disguises itself as something else and then deliberately dismantles its terror.

Join Joe and Chris as they talk about Nigel Kneale's brilliant 1972 ghost story The Stone Tape, Breaking Bad, the classic Doctor Who serial Ghost Light, dead bass players and as they manage not to play out on a spooky song, even after claiming that they would (unless, of course, you're terrified by Bugsy Malone, which would be fine).


Listen to HIDE

Image courtesy of Grande-Caps
Available playlist on Spotify

PODCAST: Cold War

In Cold War, regular Who contributor and consummate ginger Mark Gatiss delivers a classic Who-style claustrophobic yarn, complete with returning old-school monsters... OR DOES HE? If we were being uncharitable (and when are we anything else?) we might claim that sentence right there was more tension than Gatiss managed in the entire episode; the consensus on which seems to be that it somehow managed to combine several potentially-exciting ingredients (Russians! Submarine! Ice Warriors! David Warner! Ultravox!) into a fairly dull stew.

Still, there was stuff to enjoy about it, and no doubt some of it will come up in the episode. As will quickly become apparent, Joe was so tired during the recording that he can't remember much of what was said, although it seems that Cold War is not an episode about which much can be said. Therefore, he would like to apologise in advance for a sub-standard performance. He'd make some kind of self-deprecating crack about his performance always being sub-standard but Chris would probably tell him off for that. (Yes, I would - Chris)

Anyway, join us for chills (because it's cold, geddit), if not exactly for spills and wonder at what surely filthy story Joe requested was edited out of the podcast. Answers on a postcard.

Listen to COLD WAR.


Image courtesy of Grande-Caps.
Available playlist on Spotify

PODCAST: The Rings of Akhaten

Take it all, baby! Take ALL of this podcast! Take it right down into your ears.

The Rings of Akhaten, then. It's probably fair to say that this wasn't popular with your general audience, but do we fall into step with this general audience or did we think it was brilliant? Or, did we think it was broadly acceptable but with too many problems to ignore? Or do we largely repeat the anti-climactic Silurian Smackdown 2020 A.D. wherein our opinions are slightly more divergent from each other than usual? Who knows? We do, and so will you once you listen.

And now, our usual change to a third-person viewpoint for the next paragraph...

Join Joe and Chris as they pick songs, drink strawberry beer, big up Caro Skinner, fail to avoid bringing up Margaret Thatcher, differentiate between the two characters called Dennis the Menace (and Chris gets their creation date wrong by one year) and discuss an episode of Doctor Who without lapsing into song all that much.

And, yes, we mention the Hooloovoo.

Listen to THE RINGS OF AKHATEN

Image courtesy of Grande-Caps.
Available playlist on Spotify