So tonight we may find out some answers about the contractually-obliged-t0-be-called-enigmatic River Song (though Ms. Song will also accept 'mysterious'), that strange crack that's been popping up everywhere and what exactly Scotland's role in all of this is. OK, perhaps not that last one. But here at The Eleventh Hour Podcast, we've been coming up with our own theories about what this all means, and we'd like to share them with you before we're proved horribly wrong.
1. River Song is Romana from another dimensions, who remembers the Doctor but nothing else, and who was imprisoned for not returning to Gallifrey (which still exists in her universe). The Doctor would be annoyed at her jumping between dimensions at not telling him about alternate Gallifrey, which is a fun place filled with candy and bunnies.
2. River Song is a future version of the Doctor, who turns female after receiving a strong burst of Zectronic energy.
3. River Song is the Rani, who survived the Time War due to err, special Rani reasons.
4. River Song is a member of the popular Doctor Who podcast 'The Eleventh Hour Podcast', from the future.
5. River Song is actress Alex Kingston, from an alternate dimension. And the future.
6. River Song is from a future Scotland, trapped in a dimensional plane, with plans to take over the rest of the universe. The cracks are doorways into Future Scotland, which are following Amy around in the hope of gaining her help, and getting to the Doctor.
7. The cracks are the work of a vengeful pan-dimensional plasterer, who was been somewhat out of work since the events of Army of Ghosts/Doomsday.
8. Something about Rory - he's the creator of the angels/the master/the Rani/a member of the Eleventh Hour Podcast.
9. Hey, how come those disgraced Time Lords in 'The End of Time' were called "The Weeping Angels of Old"?
10. Actually, ignore that. That was stupid.
11. SLIGHT SPOILERS: The forest of the Byzantium is actually the forest that the Vashta Nerada are from in the Library two-parter, in another massive Moffat wad blow.
12. Amy was just REALLY unobservant during 'The Stolen Earth'. And has not asked any questions since.
13. That's enough for now.
Enjoy the episode, folks!